Is it life or death?

     A very special man in our families life, asked me an interesting question.  I will preface the situation a bit.   I hash many of my life’s problems out by visiting with a dear friend of ours.  His name is Richard and we have known him now for about 15 years.  He is in his early 60’s, with a beautiful head of silver hair and a very healthy stature.  When you talk to him, he listens intently.  He has many presences about him, but the one I revel in the most is his exceptance for people.  You  feel very safe, even when you are sharing something that might expose your dark side.  He just looks with such compassion and understanding, never acting surprised at what he has heard.  

     Richard has taught me many things and has also watched  as life has peeled layers off of me.  On one of our visits, he spoke of “life” or “death”.  Although, he was not using this in the literal term, he was referring to what you are supposed to be doing and what you are not supposed to be doing.  I will preface again, this was not about “bad” choices vs. “good” choices or “right” vs. “wrong”.  He spoke of this like it was part of living, like breathing or walking.  So, I pushed the matter further with him, just so I could begin to wrap my head around this concept.  The reason for this question, is to experience peace and joy in this life.  Well, this couldn’t hurt, I was definetly lacking some peace and joy at many points in the last few years.  I had felt beat up, forgotten and insignificant.  I guess this was a great perscription for me and I began to dive right in.  

     I want to stop right here and share something.  I have a real faith in God, an incredibly personal lifeline to someone that is greater than me.  I find great comfort in this and through my  life’s boo boo’s, my faith has remained.  I did not say that my faith remained strong, but it existed., and for that I am grateful.

     Richard has played a part to help me keep my chin up and for him I am thankful.  I am hearing and feeling more what is “right” to do, and with this I am feeling more peace and joy.  I am getting much better at asking what I am supposed to do before I plow something down.  For instance, I feel like there are some tight boundaries when it comes to work.  I am a hard worker, love finishing and can tend to get really focused on what I am working on.  None of these qualities are bad, in fact they would be recognized in America as admirable.  But, is it admirable to refuse to pause a project, because your child needs you?  Is it admirable to ignore other passions and talents in your life, because you have the daily grind making you miserable?  To be so busy that we miss real needs around us?  When it all dissolves down, we do not love ourselves when we are out of control, so how can we be sensitive to any one else. When you begin to ask, hear, breath then move- the task is so much for fun.  

     I am also thinking that it is “Life” to  get to sleep.  I am a night owl, but I have started to try and make it to my bed by 11pm.      -amy

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